What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 17:42
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
All the time i was locked up.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Has your mother ever walked in on you at an inappropriate time?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why don't I want to talk to my girlfriend when she loves me a lot? I feel bored.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Are miracles real or do they just have natural explanations?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why did Donald Trump look so old during the debate?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why do older men like to get anal sex?
This is soul school!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But, we were locked up after school.
How good do you sing and how do you know this?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Do you know a good lawyer joke?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why don’t the little sugar breeches gun owners understand that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
(And it was in our own minds.)
When she asked me how she looked .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Especially a lifetime of it.
What do feminists mean when they say they want to ‘normalize’ menstruation and its discussion?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
What are some important works of Marcel Proust (novelist)?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Put me off passion for life!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What is the sum of X+XX+XXX+XXXX?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it wasn’t much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Would this be the day?
What would explain Trump blaming Ukraine for starting the war with Russia?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i lived it daily.
Im still living with it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She married twice! .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I waited trembling.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I could never make a relationship work though!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
So, i spoilt her more .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I write beautiful poetry .
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I couldn’t, believe it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It was going to be , some day.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I said to her
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I don,t even have a pension.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She found it foreign!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was in good health!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was scared of men, in general
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Who then, do I blame.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was very sick at this time too.
I was 9 years of age.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
What did i know ?
My life is so biszare .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
She wouldn,t have been !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He knew the spot.
We were not on the streets..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I know ,a lot about trauma.